For my Story101 writing course, we’re taking a week off social media, and presumably spending less time online overall. (This blog isn’t part of the Internet though, right? Great.) Here are some hyperbolic thoughts I’ve had in the first day and a half:
+ If my cat is adorably sitting in front of the fan on a hot summer day but I don’t tweet it, did it really happen?
+ Nap. I could nap right now.
+ WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH THE ROYAL BABY I DIDN’T EVEN CARE ABOUT THE ROYAL BABY UNTIL I COULDN’T READ THE TWITTERS ABOUT IT
+ Does this mean I have to clean my room?
+ You know those people who make tumblrs for their cats? I think those people are my people.
+ If I ever become a spy, will I have to permanently deactivate my Facebook? Like Jason Bourne and Waldo can’t just upload photos from Fiji while they’re on the lam, you know. Because total giveaway.
+ I bet Edward Snowden never even had Facebook.
+ I bet Edward Snowden has a book deal by now.
+ What did people do IRL in the dark ages? I should ask my grandma.
+ Nap time! Again.
+ I should take up video games.
+ WHAT ABOUT BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, IS ANYONE TWEETING ABOUT HIM?
+ What is the man in the apartment across the way doing with that knife? Why is his wife running away? Why am I watching through my telescope? Is this what it feels like to be the NSA?
+ Is an article even worth reading if you can’t share it? I mean, what am I supposed to do here, email it to my mom like it’s 1645 ugh
+ I should get another cat. I should name her Hashtag.
+ Forget about His Royal Once And Future High King Of Narnia Baby, this is prime engagement/wedding/birthing season on Facebook! How many life events have I already missed in real time, 26? I’m guessing 26.
+ Why don’t I cook more?
+ Rear Window is a prophetic metaphor for our times. Edward Snowden is Grace Kelly(!/?)
+ But seriously, if I push the share buttons below on this post, is that cheating? It’s not actually going onto my accounts to post this, so it’s fine, right? Right.
+ I miss pixels.
+ I miss likes.
+ I miss reblogs.
+ I miss laughter and joy.
+ Hi, my name is Kate, and I’m an Internet junkie.