how to seduce an unconscious girl

People arrive at this blog through all sorts of bizarre Google searches. Some make no sense in relation to the content of my writing (“hilarious letter to midwife,” “snoopy love glitter”) and some kind of do but still make me laugh (“are coffee shops in churches selfish,” “why christian boys shouldnt wear skinny jeans”). Because of my series on modesty and guarding your heart — and an early post with the words “sex” and “chewing gum” in the title — I get a lot of search terms like these:

“emotional impurity is sin?”
“guard your heart it is wicked and deceitful or listen to your heart?”
“virginity chewing gum”
“rules for young girls”
“girls cant be behind the pulpit unless in a skirt”
“protect chastity avoid crushes”
“sexy chewing gum sounds”
“christian plays for teens about protecting your heart”
“if your denim skirt in so tight that you can see evrything why not just wear jeans”
“as a girl having emotinal feelings for a person you love is a sin”
“regrets!!! if any of my words hearted your feelings”
“symbolisation of chewing gum in marriage”

As far as I can tell, no one on the Internet knows how to English. (And chewing gum has more uses than I realized.)

As at any site, some obvious porn searches get misdirected here. But there’s one that especially bothers me. Because of the post “Bathsheba and the Myth of Unconscious Seduction,” I get variations of this:

“how to seduce as she sleep and unconcious”
“how to seduce to bed unconciously”
“undressing unconscious female”

Um, NOPE. Let’s break this down real clearly: Seduction is not a thing that can happen to an unconscious or sleeping or drunk person. Seducing is an act of convincing or enticing, which is something you can’t do unless the other person is awake and alert.

If someone is unconscious, she cannot say yes. Unconsciousness is always, ALWAYS a hard no!

The anonymous perverts out there hunting for rape instructions almost definitely returned to Google 0.6 seconds after clicking on this page. But just in case you didn’t, please understand:

You cannot seduce someone who isn’t aware, any more than you could get her opinion on the weather or have her sign a housing lease.
The lack of a verbal, repeated “no” is not an automatic “yes.” Even if she seemed really into you while awake, you don’t have permission to have sex with her now. That’s rape.
You are more than your hormones and impulses and fantasies and power trips. Don’t rape. 

How to seduce an unconscious girl? DON’T!

We all look for weird, misspelled things on the internet, but this one just … aargh. Sometimes I wonder if we spent less time wringing our hands over skinny jeans and denim skirts, maybe we could make a difference teaching people things that matter, like respect and consent — or just basic human decency.


  1. Is it bad if this makes me want to do a Google search for how to get an unconscious person to sign a housing lease?

    1. I think so…but only if you refuse to give a 30 day cooling off period.

  2. Wow – that is all. BTW, I really really loved the writing you did in the Bathsheba article…esbecially “Today, I grieve for Bathsheba. I grieve for this woman coerced and bereaved. I grieve for this woman who mourned, her clothing torn and her life upended. I grieve for this woman who has been reduced to adulteress, to a naked body in the wrong spot at the wrong time.”

    I long to write as beautifully and as potently as that. Thank you for having written it.

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