Category faith

church bells

It is a Sunday, and I am sitting on my boyfriend’s couch, a quilt that looks homemade but isn’t bundled around my legs against the early spring chill. I am browsing tumblr to pass the time before the day’s activities begin in earnest. In the background I half-hear a strain of old-fashioned music I half-assume […]

Immodest Proposals: De-universalizing conviction

My car broke down last summer when I was transitioning between jobs. I didn’t have the funds to fix it, so I used public transportation for a few months. The first time I went to my newly full-time job, I wore a striped dress and my favorite teal high heels — nothing super fancy, but an outfit […]

fallen gifts

This weekend, I made a list and went shopping at a couple of stores several miles from my house. I wandered the aisles looking for the perfect presents to ship off to friends wrapped in paper and string, then selected groceries in another store. I was riding the bus, so I chose things carefully: I […]

an unseared conscience

As a kid, I often heard the phrase “seared conscience.” It referred to the process of an unbeliever using the hellfire of longterm sin or erroneous philosophy to burn away his knowledge of good and evil and his guilt for wrongdoing. Since natural law is said to intrinsically inform us all what is right and […]

What I want you to know about my doubt

“Well, I looked my demons in the eyes, laid bare my chest, said ‘Do your best, destroy me. You see, I’ve been to hell and back so many times, I must admit you kind of bore me.’” Ray LaMontagne I have been a Christian all my life. I have chased after God and hope and […]

In the beginning

Where does the gospel begin? That old story of darkness made light, the broken made whole? When does it start? This is a gospel I have heard: In the beginning, God breathed himself into the dirt, forming Adam and Eve in a beautiful garden to be a glorious, living metaphor of God and the Church […]

of dust and ashes

“Say something I’m giving up on you.” It is a mournful day in Oregon, with thick heavy rainclouds and thick hearty rain, sky the color of ash. The air feels holy, and I am wearing black. The air feels holy, and I am treading an old, old path to God, a path crowded this time […]

an irresistable push

Earlier today, someone asked me about how my word for the year was manifesting, and she suggested it might mean more than just me-pushing-working-toward-a-goal. As I considered that, I realized I’ve been assuming “push” means me acting; but maybe something else, someone else is pushing me, too — toward a dream, or a deeper faith, […]

of fear and longing (at Story Sessions)

My dorm room was quiet, one fluorescent bulb flickering lightly, the heater on full blast against the drudging cold rain. It was a bad semester, the worst. There were memories I didn’t want and jello-thick depression and more tears in a month than in all the rest of my life before. There were fights late […]

holy land

Those old stories aren’t just pretend. That lonely princess in a high white tower, you know her. You see her reflection in your candlelit mirror. We’re protecting you from evil, they say. We’re keeping you safe, separate from the world. This place is better. This place is holiest. You aren’t safe, though, you aren’t innocent. […]